Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
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