Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
