is your mom at the bar?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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