I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Randomize