just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Randomize
