I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
