yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
