Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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