david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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