I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
