I swear she didn't look like that last week.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
