so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
