I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
