Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
