Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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