What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
