I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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