I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize
