just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
be right there i have to get my cape
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
