you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
