Your dad touched me again.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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