You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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