I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
