My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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