What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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