I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
