I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
