Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
