I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
