All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
