I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
