i was rollin on her like bob the builder
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
