but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
