from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
