who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
