He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
