Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
My butt remains clenched, sir.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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