Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
