All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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