yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I would ride that face into the sunset
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
