Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
