if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
