I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
