WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
