First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
you inspire me to be a worse person
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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