She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
