Swine flu. Run for my life!
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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