It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I have peed in a lot of sinks
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
