Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
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He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
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You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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