whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
