I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
