remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
