after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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