She's JV to your varsity
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
