is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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