i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
