Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
