Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
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