You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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