there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
