I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Enjoy the penises
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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