he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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