every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Randomize
